Minerva's Breakdown 

Advice for those on the verge


Dear Minerva,

I love my boyfriend of 10 years more than anything, with the exception of our son. A few years ago, my boyfriend wanted to try an open relationship. I agreed, to make him happy, but I am not. He sees a friend on occasion because he has a mysterious fetish he doesn't want to involve me in, even though I've always been accepting of his fetishes. It makes me feel as though he has something to hide. What should I do?

—Curiosity Quandary

Dear Curiosity,

I have an arrangement with two friends in a committed relationship. Friend No. 1 is allergic to bleu cheese. Friend No. 2 despises Mexican food. Occasionally I go out with Friend No. 2 specifically to eat bleu cheese. We don't take Friend No. 1, so he won't have an allergic reaction. We never tell Friend No. 1 the details, he only knows we feasted on the forbidden, pungent goodness. Every so often, Friend No. 1 and I sneak away to a favorite Mexican restaurant and stuff our faces, which would disgust Friend No. 2. Sometimes the things we love are not always the things that our partners love. If the curiosity is killing you, try to think about it as something he doesn't want to burden or disgust you with. If this arrangement isn't working, then tell him. If you have a child together, you should be able to talk about it.

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