Minerva's Breakdown 

Advice for those on the verge

Dear Minerva,

I recently started hanging out with someone. We were sexual at first but then stopped. When I asked him about it, he said he only wanted to be friends. A day later, he initiated sex. What should I do?

—Mixed Signals

Dear Mixed Signals,

This is frustrating on a couple of levels. You obviously are interested in more than just friendship, but he doesn't seem to quite have his mind made up. I have been in this situation myself where someone I cared very much about initiated romantic activity. Then the signals changed to friendship. Then back to sex. Then back to friendship, etc., etc., etc. Maybe your guy is just unsure as to what he wants out of your relationship, which says a whole lot more about his own state of mind—and heart—than it does about you as a prospective romantic partner versus friend. You have to decide what you want out of the relationship, then stick to your guns. You are worthy of a love life and a sex life. If you feel at all disrespected or used, that should be the red light telling you that you just have to stop. Carry on a friendship if you want to but not at the expense of your self-worth. If he hasn't figured his own path out, then he should be more respectful of you and your journey and not use you as his training wheels. Draw a line and don't look back.

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