Minerva's Breakdown 

Advice for those on the verge

Dear Minerva,

A friend of mine has started working in the adult film industry. He's gorgeous, but I had never thought about him in sexual terms before. I recently came across some of his work while online, and I feel strange seeing him like that. I didn't hate it, but I feel a sort of guilt about it. I'm not sure that I approve of him doing this kind of work, but I'm also having some desire to see more of it. I don't want it to change our friendship. What should I do?


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Dear Scrolling,

I don't know that you need to do anything. You say you aren't sure you approve of him doing this kind of work. Keep in mind, he isn't seeking your approval or permission to do with his body as he sees fit. Also, if you don't approve of people working in the adult film industry, try not being a consumer of their products. You also don't need to feel guilty about seeing his work. He has chosen this career. I doubt he's naive enough to believe people he knows won't see it. As for your desires to see more, that is up to you. As long as you are maintaining healthy boundaries within your relationship with him and continue to value and care about him as a person, you should be OK. Watch out for signs that it is too much, though. Pornography can be addictive and can lead to other problems.

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