Mr. Cope's Cave: Official State Dumbshit Nominee No. 2—She's Back 

Didn't I tell you? Huh? Didn't I say she'd be back?

I damn sure did. And if you don't remember, allow me to remind you. Follow me to the archives, if you will.

Ah, yes. Here it is: "So I present to you, ladies and gentlemen of Idaho, Cottonwood's own SHERYL NUXOLL, our state's first Official State Dumbshit!... and until her district neighbors become as embarrassed as they rightfully should be for sending this f***ing moron to befoul our lives and our Legislature, I've little doubt we will be hearing more from her in the future."

—From "Mr. Cope's Cave: We Have A Winner!" (April 17, 2015)

Yeah. That's right. I told you last year, after she beat out some of the stiffest competition the Idaho Legislature could vomit up for the 2015 title, that we haven't heard the last of this Cottonwood cretin.

And what do you know?... up pops the cretin. This time, she's pushing possibly the dumbest legislation to come out of the 2016 session. And believe me, in a year where the geniuses under the rotunda are more concerned with whether Bonnie and Clyde should be entitled to pack un-permitted, concealed weapons anywhere they want than they are for the uninsured thousands, that's saying a lot.

Nuxoll's Senate Bill 1338 would empower—contrary to the constitutions of both the United States and Idaho—a county sheriff to declare the public lands within his county a "catastrophic public nuisance." On that authority, he could order forests to be thinned, roads to be cut through those forests (or range lands), prescriptive fires to be set any time he—in his wisdom as both law enforcement officer and land use expert—sees fit.

This bill, should it ever go into effect—in spite of the millions of taxpayer dollars it would take to defend such horseshit in court, only to face an inevitable defeat—would refine the Them federal lands oughta be the state's to do with whatever they want! argument down to an even more ludicrous level: Them federal lands oughta be the guy's what we elect here in Bumballs County to be our sheriff to do with whatever he wants!

Does Senate Bill 1338 address problems that might arise if the sheriffs of neighboring counties don't see eye to eye on what constitutes a "catastrophic public nuisance?" Does it answer the questions of who comes to fight the fire if one of those prescribed burns gets out of hand or who pays for the firefighting? Does it stop an enterprising county sheriff from auctioning off a few thousand acres here and there if he deems that to be the remedy to rampant and excessive free access to wilderness?... or if he simply decides his department could use a few new sheriff toys and he doesn't know how else to pay for them?

Does it even anticipate the real possibility that henceforth, developers and speculators might be running for the office of sheriff—and winning—for no other reason than to exploit all that "catastrophic public nuisance" for their personal gain?

I don't know. I haven't read the bill because I doubt even our Legislature is dumb enough to enact it.

But I doubt it. Foreseeing all the possible conflicts and twists that such a law would create would require an intelligence Sheryl Nuxoll has shown—convincingly and repeatedly—she ain't got.

On the other hand, perhaps there is a larger picture here that I am not seeing. Think of those marginally-smarter Republican legislators who—under the clandestine guidance of that sneaky bastard ALEC (American Legislative Exchange Council) and its local affiliate, the Idaho Freedom Foundation—are scurrying about like rats, trying to think of ways to get their sticky little paws on all that BLM and Forest Service land. You know who I mean... the elected officials who are determined to do what the great, great, great majority of Idahoans—from hunters to outdoor recreationists to environmentalists—have made perfectly clear they don't want done.

OK then, what if those legislators decided—or more likely, ALEC decided for them—that if they were to send up a bill that was as thoughtless, infantile and disruptive as SB 1338, it would make other efforts they are trying to sneak by the Idaho people appear more reasonable? You know... like a distraction, or a red herring, or decoy or something.

Seriously, is it so hard to imagine somebody at one of those closed caucus meetings where they secretly discuss ways to screw the very people who vote them into office, saying, "Hey. I just got an idea. How's 'bout we come up with a proposal so f***ing stupid, that it makes all of our other ideas seem smart by comparison?"

And then one of the other guys says, "Yeah! Great idea! But who on earth would we get to sponsor such a f***ing stupid proposal?"

And they think.

And they think.

And they think.

And they break for lunch... go to some corporate lobbyist-sponsored event... pig out on catered Swedish meatballs, the cheese plate, the open bar... stop by their offices on the way back and take a nap... then return to work and think some more... and finally, one of them shouts, "I got it! Sheryl Nuxoll! Wouldn't matter how f***ing stupid the proposal is, she'd sponsor it!"

And they all agreed.

And that's how we now have Senate Bill 1338.

Isn't that possible?

Still... whether or not that's the way it happened... for her immense contribution to the sheer volume of mindless, useless, meaningless crap slopping out of the 2016 Legislature, we must nominate Sheryl Nuxoll once more for the title of Official State Dumbshit.

Will she do a repeat?

Don't ever underestimate this little cretin.
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