Mr. Cope's Cave: Will You Still Be So Proud of That Face in the Mirror? 

No, your Mr. Cope did not return from Reno as the new Supreme Bowling Champion of the United States. A lot of enjoyable things happened on our trip there, but me astonishing the kegeling world with my bowling brilliance was not one of them. Enough said about that.


Now, while I still have the opportunity, I have to ask Idahoans something. And by Idahoans, I mean the dominant strain hereabouts. I mean the Idahoans who are always crowing about how self-reliant and independent and individualistic and upright Idahoans are... speaking generally of themselves. I mean the Idahoans who tell us how Idaho is what the rest of the country used to be... whatever the hell that means. I'm talking about those Idahoans who think we're a better state than most because we have better people living here... again, speaking generally of themselves. People who actually believe, I guess, that their beliefs in liberty and God and the Constitution and family values and patriotism—all that stuff—are stronger and more devout than in most other Americans, especially those so-called Americans living in those big cities and East Coast places and loony hippy digs like Portland and Seattle and California. And Colorado.

And any of those awful states where Democrats are in charge.

And every college town, everywhere.

And any God-forsaken place that isn't trying to suppress the vote and kill Planned Parenthood and smash unions.

And Boise's North End, of course.

I say I guess they believe in all that stuff more strongly than other Americans mostly because they're always telling us they do, this kind of Idahoan I'm talking about. You know the ones I mean. They're all over the place in Idaho. The Legislature is full of them, as is the governor's office. When I call them the dominant strain, it's no exaggeration. They dominate this state as thoroughly as any other state in the union, and it's not just because they control all of the state government functions. The countryside is full of them, too. The farmlands and forest towns and desert pit-stops. That's how governors and other state officials who can't win in their own home county because their neighbors know them best, still win.

Yes, this state is chock full o' these people—Republicans—and sometimes, they act so sure of themselves and the rectitude of their ways that they seem a little put out that there are any Democrats in Idaho. And when it comes to the presidential race, there's one thing of which we can all be certain. Donald Trump is going to win in Idaho—big time. It wouldn't surprise me if Trump's margin of victory over Hillary in Idaho is larger that any other state... assuming he wins any other states.

But he will win in Idaho, for sure. And that raises the question I have to ask all those self-reliant, independent, individualistic, upright Idahoans who will vote for him. Here goes: With all that self satisfaction of yours over how much better you are than so many other Americans... how inherently superior you are as an Idaho Republican... how does it feel to know you'll be voting for the most ethically crippled, integrity indifferent, morally vacuous person to ever run for the presidency? 

And puh-leeeez. Don't tell me you don't know what a piece of shit he is. You're not that stupid. You know as well as I do... as well as all of those people, a few brave Republicans included, so repulsed by this blow-hard abomination they shudder at the thought of him at the helm of our country... that nothing he says can be trusted to be true—that he is the antithesis of an honorable, respectful and principled nature. You know as well as I do he is a hedonistic, grubby little man-whore whose only purpose in life has been his own self aggrandizement. You know he is a pig... and a dangerously unstable pig, at that.

Yet you are going to vote for him anyway. I don't have to wait until November to know that to be true. I would bet everything I have that the majority of Idaho voters will vote for Trump.

And after you do—after you return home from your polling station on Nov. 8—what are you going to tell your children about how they ought to live? What are you going to tell your daughters when they ask how you could have supported a man who regards women as little more than semen receptacles, to be rated on a scale from one to 10? What are you going to tell your sons when they behave like him?

And what are you going to tell yourselves about yourselves? Are you still going to insist you are a better person than those other Americans?—the ones who didn't vote for such an abysmal excuse for a human being. Are you still going to think there is something exceptional about being an Idahoan? About being you? Do you still plan to go to your church and pretend you're a good person?

Ah, but you've done it before, haven't you? Plenty of times. That's how I'm so certain you'll do it again.
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