Not Bi-ing It 

Dear Minerva,

I witnessed some interaction that's troubling me. There's a man I know who is aggressively, outspokenly bisexual—or so it seems. He takes every opportunity to chime in from the "bisexual perspective." However, I've only ever known him to be with women. Once I overheard him in conversation with a person who was introducing him to some gay gentlemen. He was angry with the person and said something like, "Come on, you know what I'm into." It has bothered me since. I suspect he's appropriating the bisexual experience to further his personal agenda. Should I call him out?


Not Bi-ing It

Dear Not,

You can't determine a person's sexuality based on who they are dating. If someone identifies as bisexual, you must honor that as their truth. If that feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you something is up, maybe there is but maybe there isn't. It could be a reaction to his aggressive behavior. While it certainly isn't rare to find people appropriating the experiences of others to take part in the narrative—whatever it may be—you have to ask yourself if it's worth the argument. He has a right to be himself. Sexuality is fluid. It wouldn't serve you well to call him out. Furthermore, it may paint you as a bisexuality denier and brand you a bigot. It is OK not to like his affect or attitude. That has little to do with who he shares his bed with. Let it go.

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