November 16, 2005 

JESUS FREAKS

The author of a new book titled Magic Mushrooms in Religion and Alchemy is trying to drum up some publicity for his book by making outrageous claims about Jesus' drug habits. Ethnobotanist Clark Heinrich believes that Jesus was eating a magic mushroom known as "fly agaric" at the Last Supper. Heinrich believes this psychedelic shroom is the bread that Jesus was referring to when he said "eat this bread, this is my body," because the mushroom looks like pita bread and feels like human skin when soaked in water. He also claims that eating this shroom turns your urine into a reddish-orange hallucinogen, and that this is how Jesus turned water into "wine," by urinating into a jug of water. (Wireless Flash)

AND YOU THOUGHT ALIEN JESUS WAS JUST A CHEAP NOVELTY GIFT

Meanwhile, an even stranger book by an even stranger author claims that Jesus is a hyperspace extraterrestrial who is turning humans into aliens. This, according to Ronald F. Avery, author of Alien Physics, who claims that Jesus was born to a mother who he had turned into an alien. "Jesus is the first extraterrestrial hyperspace alien to visit planet Earth. He was sent to Earth by Eternal Space or his father, which is God. Jesus was conceived by eternal space, and born of a virgin," writes Avery, who goes on to explain that many humans have been "alienated" (his word) by Jesus, and anyone can be transformed into an immortal alien being simply by going through a stargate opened by Jesus. Learn how at www.alienphysics.com.

BRAINWASHING YOUR CHILDREN

Here's an idea you can steal to make a crapload of money. Artist Robert Praxmarer has created a Web site claiming to sell you software that will embed subliminal messages into the computer games your kids play in order to program some positive qualities into their minds. For now, Mindbending Software holds the status of "art project," but how long will it be before some enterprising company actually does cash in on parents' fear of video games with this type of device? (Of course, this assumes that video games aren't already loaded with subliminal messages programming the kids to beg their parents for more games.) "With the newest technologies, our products infiltrate the computer games of your kids and mingle various subconscious or conscious conditioning messages and images in the game contents," claims the Web site, at www.mindbending.us. Among the subliminal programs are the "Tranquilizer," "Intellectualizer," "Selfesteemizer" and "Professionizer."

THE SMALLEST DOWNPAYMENT EVER

Check out the progress of Kyle, a man whose cunning plan is to trade one red paper clip for a house. "I started with one red paperclip back in July and I am making a chain of trades for bigger or better objects until I get a house," says Kyle. His Web site, at www.oneredpaperclip.com shows photos of the objects he has collected so far, including his latest acquisition, a 1,000 watt generator.

MOVE THAT WALL TO A CORNER AT THE BACK

Men in the Netherlands finally have a reason to go shopping. A Dutch designer has created a wall of fake breasts to enable male shoppers to figure out what size bra to buy their wives or girlfriends. "When trying to buy a sexy bra ... usually they point to other women in the shop," said the creator Wendy Rameckers. Now, they simply walk to the wall of silicone breasts in all shapes and sizes, take a look and a squeeze, and walk off with the right sized bras." (Ananova)

MADONNASHITS.COM IS STILL AVAILABLE

London's Sun newspaper has rounded up a collection of unintentionally hilarious Web site names. Check out penisland.net, a great place to buy a new pen; whorepresents.com, a database for agencies to the rich and famous; expertsexchange.com, a forum for computer programmers; therapistfinder.com, when you need a therapist, not a rapist; powergenitalia.com, the Italian Web site for Power-Gen products; and molestationnursery.com, the unfortunate domain name of New Zealand's Mole Station Native Nursery.

DEATH BY CAFFEINE

Here's a handy tool for you ... the Death by Caffeine calculator will calculate how many of your favorite caffeinated beverages you could drink at one time before you keel over and die from caffeine poisoning. Check it out at www.energyfiend.com/death-by-caffeine/

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