Oh Why Heck? 

To avoid all of you, I visited Owyhee County for Labor Day weekend. First I drove from Nampa to Murphy with my shirt off. Then I honked when a dirt-biker drove past me doing a wheelie. Then I drank a beer in dirt lot next to an RV with an American flag on a 25-foot antenna. Then I drove up to my favorite outhouse at what I thought was an abandoned mining claim, but "Rick" was there, and he had the biggest pistol I've ever seen, but we made friends and he still let me use the outhouse. Then I wandered around an abandoned mill where all the equipment was full of pack-rat nests. Then I shot an old bike helmet with a pistol. Then I made camp where I could see all the way from Caldwell to Mountain Home. Then I ate most of a roasted duck and some Indian food and cookies and a banana and drank another beer. Then I found the secret spot where all the four-wheelers make absolutely no attempt to "leave no trace," biologically, and I realized I'd forgotten to bring antibiotic hand gel. Then I fell asleep listening to Saturday Night Live on a radio with a built-in TV scanner. Then I paid $1.25 for a root beer in Silver City and drove home and put my shirt back on and didn't think about all the laws I'd broken.

--Nicholas Collias

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