Shields Primes his Pants 

"If an 18-year-old woman takes off her clothes in the woods, and nobody is around to film it, did she take off her clothes ... at all?" This is, without a doubt, one of the pivotal existential questions facing contemporary Idaho, and 60-year-old amateur philosopher and painting business owner Donald Shields of Nampa was so eager to find the answer, he allegedly incorporated one of his employees as an unwitting test subject. However, as amateur philosophers are wont to do, Shields overlooked a crucial detail—he forgot the part about not filming.

Valley County Sheriff Pattie Bolen told BW that one evening last week, her office received a call from an 18-year-old employee of Shields, whose paint crew was living in a nearby cabin as they were painting it. The employee had noticed while showering that she had gained an audience by way of a not-very-well-hidden video camera. She phoned the county mounties, and by Friday, the Valley County prosecutor's office had issued a warrant for Shields' arrest. The suspect turned himself in to the Ada County jail on Sunday.

In the author's imagined film version of this incident, as Shields is being led away in cuffs toward his cell, he turns to the camera and says something profoundly pervy like, "Video voyeurism takes two people to work, baby: one to film, and one to lather. However, it only takes one hand to operate the Web cam for" Or maybe, "The only thing that feels better than a shower at the end of a long work day is watching a woman one-third your age take a shower after working for you all day."

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