THE SCIENCE OF SANTA • IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN • DON'T DRINK FOR SPITE • CRAPPY CHRISTMAS TUNES LEAP THE SPECIES BARRIER • I'M ONLY 33 PERCENT SHOCKING • OH OH OH! • 

THE SCIENCE OF SANTA

Clever engineers have once again taken on the fable of Santa Claus with their calculators. Santa can't possibly exist, they claim, because in order to reach all of the world's 2.5 billion children, he would have to travel at a speed of about 5,800 kilometers per second and spend only 35 microseconds at each home. Besides, travelling at supersonic speed would cause Santa's sleigh to burst into flames within 4.26 thousandths of a second. So there. (AFP)

IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN

There's a great article at FoxNews.com that lists the 10 Greenest Hypocrites of 2007—that is, people who claim to promote environmentalism but only as long as it doesn't affect their own energy-hogging lifestyles. At the top of the list, of course, is Al Gore, who uses about 20 times more energy than the average American and destroys a little piece of the atmosphere every time he jets around the world to give another inconvenient speech. The top 10 also include any rock star who played at the Live Earth concert (this list singled out Madonna, whose latest tour created 440 tons of carbon pollution in four months simply with flights between venues) and Arnold Schwarzenegger, who claims that California will be "a leader in the fight against global warming," but only as long as he can still drive a Hummer and fly in a private jet.

DON'T DRINK FOR SPITE

The Xmas binging came early for a 64-year-old man who put himself in the hospital after chugging a liter of vodka instead of handing it over to the security checkpoint at a German airport. After asking the man to either throw the booze away or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as luggage, the man decided instead to drink the entire bottle so that it wouldn't go to waste. Officials report that the man was immediately incapacitated and was sent to the hospital with life-threatening alcohol poisoning. Fortunately, doctors believe that he will sober up after a few days and will be able to continue his journey. (MSNBC)

CRAPPY CHRISTMAS TUNES LEAP THE SPECIES BARRIER

I know all you animal lovers out there treat your pets better than you would ever treat your friends and family, so I'm sure you're already searching for that perfect Christmas gift. Look no further than PetCDs.com where you can order some great (did I say great? I meant lame) music produced specifically for your pet. The company who makes these CDs claims to have carried out animal market research to compile songs that pets supposedly like. For example, 200 dogs judged the songs that ended up on a CD called Songs to Make Dogs Happy! This site also sells CDs for cats, birds and pink dolphins, and includes short samples of songs such as "Jingle Fish," "We Wish You a Squeaky Christmas," "Doin' It Doggie Style," and "Litter Box Boogie."

I'M ONLY 33 PERCENT SHOCKING

According to a poll out of Britain, the most shocking public behaviors in that country are nudity (37 percent), wearing a hoodie (12 percent), displays of affection (11 percent), breast feeding (10 percent), having a bad ringtone (8 percent), arguing (8 percent), drinking alcohol (7 percent), dropping litter (3 percent) and smoking (2 percent). (The Times UK)

THIS WILL BE HELPFUL IF YOU'RE MUGGED BY A TOON

Researchers in the UK have found that police artists would be better off drawing cartoon caricatures of criminals rather than using the standard realistic pictures they now create. A study from the University of Central Lancashire found that cartoon-like faces were far better at jogging a person's memory of the original face. The experiment showed that a standard police sketch brought a correct identification 20 percent of the time, while the caricatures worked 40 percent of the time. (The Guardian)

OH OH OH!

Don't forget that Saturday, Dec. 22, will be the celebration fo the Annual Solstice Synchronized Global Orgasm for World Peace, an "attempt to join the world's citizens in a simultaneous orgasm combined with thoughts of peace and love for all humankind." Sign up for all the fun at GlobalOrgasm.org.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

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There are now more overweight people on the planet (over 1 billion) than there are malnourished people (800 million).

Get way more bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.

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